My little 'nest'

On the night of 15 September 2014, Mama Tok went to Kuala Lumpur  International Airport (KLIA) to send our first son off to Jordon to continue his studies.This will be his second year at Al Bayt University in Mafraq, Jordon. For a 19 years old teenager, going overseas has always been something exciting and adventurous.
New experiences and new horizons. 

That was the same feeling Mama Tok felt when given the opportunity to further studies in UK in 1979. Being the youngest in the family, and the first in the family to go abroad, it was something to be proud of. As an excited teenager, what was more important to Mama Tok at that time was to have a bit of freedom from a protective parents and experience new things in life. Mama Tok has always love autumn and to capture it for the first time in a small town of Northampton, was just sheer magical. It was just too good to be true...

But the truth was, Mama Tok did not feel the emptiness that my mum felt when Mama Tok left home for UK. In late 70th and early 80th the only communication available was by writing letters. It took nearly a week for a letter to arrive. We seldom call each other because it was just too expensive. 

Imaging...no WhatsApp, no Facebook and no Skypes....just letters. But somehow we survived because that was the only choice we had. 

(still remember another sentimental song..'.imaging'.. by John Lennon in the 80th? ).

So just imaging, it took Mama Tok more than 30 years to understand the feeling of emptiness when our eldest daughter got married in 2010. She moved to her new 'nest' nearby after two weeks of marriage.
3 years later she decided to move to Kuala Lumpur after giving birth to her second baby. It was 10th of June 2013 when she  left us to build her new 'nest' with her husband and two young kids.

It took Mama Took more than 30 years to understand the feeling of emptiness when our second daughter left us again early this year.She decided to leave her 'nest' for her first job in Kuala Lumpur.

It also took Mama Tok more than 30 years to understand the feeling of emptiness when our third daughter decided to continue her studies away from home at the local university again in Kuala Lumpur.

But somehow she sent me this to ease my 'empty feelings'...a picture of our family at the little corner of our little 'nest' with a sweet quotation..

'Where we love is home...home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.

( Oliver W.H )




And now, our forth child and the eldest boy in the family is leaving for Jordon for the next few years to search his future in life.

Mama Tok still remembered the feeling after we reached home from KL the next morning. 
It was nearly 3 o'clock in the morning. It was just me, my husband and our twin boys.The house seemed empty and quiet. No movement no nothing. Although the twins give us joy, our heart is almost half empty. As empty as our little 'nest'....

Mama Tok remembered messaging these words to my children at that early hours with tears in my eyes.....

"Good 'night' anak-anak Mama semua di mana saja berada. Suddenly Mama feel that there will come a time when everybody will leave the 'nest'. And there will come a time when Ayah or Mama will be all by ourselves. And then we will one by one 'meet' Allah swt. So if that time comes, please don't forget to make prayers and doakan kesejahteraan kami at least tiap-tiap selepas solat. Semuga Allah ampunkan dosa-dosa kami dan semuga alam barzakh kami menjadi salah satu daripada taman-taman syurga. 

 Aamiin Ya Allah..."

That morning Mama Tok felt asleep feeling 'empty' except only hoping for Allah swt's blessing.

Mama Tok Quiet Moments 'Soup for the soul'

Its funny how day by day, nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different. 

So is Mama Tok little 'nest'....

Lesson Two : The pain in the neck

On 20th November 2013, Mama Tok was suspected of having a 'mini stroke'. That was what the doctor said after 'hearing' the symptoms told  by Mama Tok. Having no such experience before, the pain in the neck plus the numbness of the left side of neck, face and upper limbs would throw anybody into a lot of fear. Although there was no lost of sensation nor weakness of the limbs, Mama Tok had to digest any emotion of fear so as to give inner strength to oneself. The struggling part was to motivate in pursuing any of the things that made Mama Tok happy before. But somehow Mama Tok broke down when the numbness keep coming and seeing the tiredness  and fear in everybody's eyes in the family.

It all happened when Mama Tok's husband was in his peak of his tiredness due to his long working hours and oversea trips.

It also happened when Mama Tok's second daughter was in her peak of happiness due to her coming convocation. Her fear was whether her mum would be 'there' for the occasion and share her happiness.  

While the twin boys, at the early age of adolescence were as confused as their mum!

They all need Mama Tok's support to share their tiredness and happiness BUT Mama Tok was in the peak of ' pain in the neck'!

It was so frustrating (and frightening) to experience such a feeling of 'negligence' from our love ones since our feelings at that moment were not  in 'alignment' with each other.

At such moment when Mama Tok feel 'alone' in the fear of trying to understand where the pain in the neck came from, the verses from Al Quran suddenly reminded this frightening soul that at the Day Of Judgement everybody will run away from each other even from their love ones. Everybody will avoid taking responsibility on others and their only concern are on the safety of themselves from the Hell fire.

Gradually Alhamdulillah, Mama Tok managed to be calm again after looking at the bright side of things that a wife and a mother has a great influence on the success and happiness of the family.

The wife of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. was a great support to her husband. Even near her death, she was willing to do anything even if her bones were to be sold for the sake of her husband's mission for Islam.

This reminded Mama Tok that not only husband should be strong for the wife, but the wife should also be strong for the husband. Throughout our 28 years of marriage, there were many ups and downs. But somehow we managed to go through the difficulties. We learn to accept each other's weaknesses and support one another in our own little ways. We try to run our marriage like a team not a contest. So how could Mama Tok not love such a man who had given his best effort to make Mama Tok happy? How could Mama Tok not forgive them for their tiredness and 'negligence' since they are also human ?

So if we choose to live together, try to support each other. If we can't support each other, it's time to examine why it happens in our family or marriage. 

Is it lack of love, lack of time, lack of energy, lack of money, lack of knowledge, lack of patience, lack of sensitivity for others or just plain selfishness or arrogance ?

As in Mama Tok's case- its fear and tiredness...and it just adds on...

After a few consultations from other doctors, it showed that Mama Tok actually suffered from cervical spondylosis. From Mama Tok's personal observations, the amount of housework do effect the pain in the neck. In other words, Mama Tok has to limit myself from doing too much housework in a limited time. The load of housework has to be spread out so as not to exert pain in the neck, stress and tiredness. Unless the family understand the situation and be more helpful with the housework, it is not surprise Mama Tok will be the 'pain in the neck' for everybody !

  

The pain in the neck and the numbness are still there most of the time, but somehow the fear is slowly diminishing. 

Unless tiredness keep creeping again....   

Mama Tok Quiet Moments 'Soup For The Soul'

Find strength again by remembering Allah to 'support' us in good and in bad, in health and in sickness.

His love toward's us is unconditional love. 

He 'heard' us whatever we have to say day or night.

So 'go back' to Him if we still love and trust him.

Why?

Because our hierarchy of love and dependence should be Allah in the first place, followed by Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

The husband comes third for a good wife while the mother comes third for a good son.What about our parents ? Just respect them..

If we love and be loved by the right 'person', we have no fear in life. 

Lesson One: Our 'unpolished' attitude

Mama Tok is back from the 7 months 'hide out'
During those 7 months, Mama Tok learnt a few good lessons in life. And what a shame if we only pass this way in our life but once, and the lessons we pick through our journey in life might be too late to do any good things or show any kindness to our love ones.

The first lesson:

In August 2013, Mama Tok 'balik kampung' and spent the Hari Raya with my parents and  then continued to stay on for another two weeks.The idea of staying on came from Mama Tok's beloved husband after seeing the aging conditions of his parents-in- law.However he had to bring our children along with him to visit his family in KL and other commitments.

During Mama Tok's brief stay cleaning up the place, Mama Tok realised what a ' mess' we leave after every Hari Raya.

All this while we managed to help only before Hari Raya .Then we would shoot off to Mama Tok 's parents- in -law in KL.
We came and then we go...and its being going on for 28 years!

Both my parents are in their 70th and 80th now ..and what do we children leave for them after Hari Raya?

-Bed sheets to be cleaned...

-Rubbish to be thrown...

-Carpets to be vacuumed..

-Pyrex and Corning wares to be cleared out....

-and worst of all......dirty disposable nappies 'left over' by our children and shreds of hair on the dirty toilet floor and shower drain. 

Well...we can just think that its not such a big problem.Just hire a cleaner to clear up the mess. After all what is the point of giving our parents their 'pocket money' every month ( what if we do not give..?) if  its not for their own comfort?

My dear brothers and sisters...the issue is NOT about money, its about our attitude towards our parents.

Yes, dirty toilet floors should be polished but more important our attitude towards our parents should be polished as well. Its a sad scene to see our aging parents picking up 'dirty' stuff used by us, by our children or by our children's children.








Mama Tok Quiet Moments 'Soup For the Soul'

Respect our parents.
Pray for them and treat them like they treat us when we were young.
'O Allah , bless them both our parents. As they have love and care for us when we were young'.(Holy Quran:Al-Isra' :24)

We will pass this way but once, therefore any good things that we can do or any kindness that we can show let us do it now.
For we will not pass this way again with our parents.